…when up to our eyeballs in diapers, whining, bedtime delay tactics, and yucky snots.
While we will never claim to be the experts on a happy marriage with just over five years under our belt, we do know what works for us, and we also hear a lot about what DOESN’T work for our friends, family, and acquaintances. Most people you get advice from will say one of two things: 1) “Happy wife, happy life,” or 2) “Prioritize date nights and spending time as a couple.” While both of these things are important….
…that’s not the secret to OUR happy life.
The secret to our happy life? Balance. And I think we have gotten pretty damn good at it.
Over the years and especially for the last three since Zoe was born, we’ve been able to find a special balance between adventuring together as a family, with each other (sans kids), and solo. While this blog focuses mostly on our family adventures, we find the energy to do those things by prioritizing each other and ourselves.
We often find that we can take the best care of each other, by taking care of ourselves. Anytime we have an argument or things begin to explode it’s usually because one of us is overtired, hasn’t exercised in several days, or simply needs a few days to blow off some steam in a way that makes us feel human again. Enter: solo vacations, girls’ ski trips, boys’ bike trips, Wednesday night beer league, early morning OrangeTheory Fitness classes and runs, etc. etc. etc….
People always give me crossed eyes when I mention that Keith is out riding bikes, or he’s in Moab, or on a ski trip, or wherever isn’t at home doting on us. Honestly, it kind of makes me cringe, because why should he not go enjoy those things? Releasing adrenaline is something that recharges his batteries, and makes him a better dad and husband to all of us. Quite frankly, I need (yes, NEED) to escape to do the things that make my candles burn too. He doesn’t so much as bat an eyelash when I want to go to my business convention (more of a party, really), workout a few mornings a week which leaves him solo getting everyone out the door in the morning (brutal, if you ask me), or head out with girlfriends to celebrate a promotion or just to drink wine. We come back from these activities excited to see each other and the girls, and everyone gets a much deserved break from the aforementioned whining and snot.
Don’t get me wrong. The solo parenting part is HARD. I would be completely full of it if I didn’t fully disclose the amount of tears I shed the time he was gone for nine days with his buddies riding bikes in Utah and Colorado and I was home with a 12 month old and a 2.5 year old at 12 weeks pregnant with our third. Finding activities to keep the girls occupied both with friends and family was the only way I could survive, yet doing those activities completely drained my tanks. Our nightly FaceTimes with Daddy, combined with a couple nights to myself (thanks to our parents) were my saving graces.
Keith fully tackled the time I was taking a week long vacation for my sister’s bachelorette party in Vail, Colorado (that was actually only a weekend event). Layla, 4 months old at the time, spent hours in the ER with bronchiolitis and ear infections. It is so hard to be in charge of the sick kid while the other parent is off having a great time, but he never once made me feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying my time to the fullest and recharging my mommy batteries, and I’m super grateful for that. Quite frankly, I’m a nicer person, a better mom, and a more loving wife because I have the support to take a minute (or week) to myself. It is SO important to give this to each other.
I should mention that none of this would be possible without the support from our families close by. Our parents are each twenty minutes away from us, and all are willing to pitch in and help whenever the call is made. This means those times that Layla is sick (read: every time one of us is away) when we get a call to pick her up early at daycare or when we need someone to watch Zoe while we take her to a medical appointment. We are extremely lucky to have this type of support. Knowing how important our time to recharge is, however, I am pretty confident we would figure out how to make it work regardless.
